Ever feel like a mushroom?

That is how I am feeling lately.  Stick me in a dark closet and feed me shit.  This coming week I am going to contact my primary care doctor, I still have not heard from my rheumy about me canceling the infusions.  I understand he has been busy trying to get back into the swing of things after having been out of his office for 3 weeks but not even his staff has taken the time to return my calls.  This coming Tuesday it will be 2 weeks since I refused the infusion till I got some solid answers about my kidneys and whether or not the infusion is causing them to react badly.  I go between being sad because he has not called and angry because he has not called.  Then to add icing to the whole frigging cake my refill for my plaquenil was lowered with no explaining why.  For 10 years I have been on 240 mg twice a day and now suddenly I am on 200 mg twice a day.

I often feel myself beginning to freak out, I am dealing with this the best I can, sometimes I feel like I am dealing with it completely alone.  I look at my hands and see my fingers are beginning to twist with all the swelling and damage being done with the lupus and RA.  I have a life stealing illness that is happily attacking my kidneys and I feel like not a damn doctor cares, or at least the one I thought cared.  I feel like what life I have is passing me by.  With no immune system I sit around mainly by myself, oh and my three wonderful dogs (YIPPY)  to afraid that I can catch some germ and end up in the hospital at any given time.  I wonder how much damage with each passing day is being done to my kidneys while my doctor gets his office back into order and ignores my phone calls.

So I take a deep breath, and tell myself you got this far a little further is nothing.  So deep breath is taken.....  I have had my daily rant and now onto something fun.

I actually ran with the Elms tonight in game, a 25 man raid.  It was kinda cool, I got a nice dagger and shoulders for my hunter.  Course the shoulders I did not really want but they were sorta forced on me and low and behold the next boss dropped what I was so wanting, the pretty awesome chest piece I wanted.  Did I get it?  Hell no I got the crappy shoulders, which in turn closed me out for rolling on the chest piece so some whining jack ass got my chest piece.  Oh wait I am whining now.  The dagger is nice thank god I use a bow more since I am a hunter and my kitty normally keeps things off of me and out of my face.  So the dagger is in all actuality an accessories  they make my hips look nice.  

I am off to bed now, cya sometime this weekend.  Have a safe holiday weekend and drive safe.

licks and nibbles, Dawn